Can i not drive my cunt home
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
