Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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