His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
