I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
