I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Princesses don't give blow jobs
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
