You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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