Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
