Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
