Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
