If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
