it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
