We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
