Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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