My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
