all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
