I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
