I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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