Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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