It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
