I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
