I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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