I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
