Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
