Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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