Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
