Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
