If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
