I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
