I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
