I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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