I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
