We're like a lot better than the average bears
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
