I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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