Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
