i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think your dad took our porno
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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