If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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