Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
