It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
