The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
