Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
