It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
