She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
