Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
