I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
