at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
