I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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