Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
