the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
