I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
