so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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