Please, let me fuck your mom
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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