wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
