he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
